the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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