the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
