Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
