so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
