i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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