areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
