If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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