Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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