first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
