During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
