I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
