She's JV to your varsity
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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