I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
she looked like the before picture.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
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When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
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I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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