So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
