so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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