Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize