Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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