I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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