he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
