I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
only if we run a train.
done.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
