dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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