why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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