I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
