He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
