Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
