you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So much Jack, so little girl.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
