Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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