I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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