peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
