im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
