well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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