My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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