with your own penis?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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