Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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