there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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