24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
