I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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