I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
