Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
