I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
