Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
