Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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