Whoa Z and x make the same sound
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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