I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
