S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
