I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
