i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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