why didn't you poke me back
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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