I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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