You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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