Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
