Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
