The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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