Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
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