found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
