erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Of course I have a pirate flag
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
