The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
