At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
