I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
