Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
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I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
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How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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