Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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