Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
