Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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