I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize