therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
