I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
