I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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