i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
