omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
