is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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