I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
