3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
