My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
