Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
This toilet bowl is my home.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
