Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize