they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
