Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Randomize
