I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
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