Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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