Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
